Family

Noah - Cascade Park

I haven’t posted in over a week.  Time has been tight and what free time I have had has been used to hang out with my youngest, Noah.  We had a very rare beautiful day in Ohio this past weekend with sunshine (gasp) and temperatures reaching 80 degrees (double gasp).  Even though my to-do list is a mile long for JTC, work, and home I couldnt waste this day on those lists when Noah wanted to hang out and have some fun.  I tried convincing him that doing a bit of the yard work on the list together would be an absolute BLAST.  I wish I had a picture of the look he gave me on that.  He wasn’t having it.  So he made his own to-do list of what he and I should do that day.  We nearly made it through every item on the list by the end of the day and we had a great time.  Here are a few lessons Noah taught me that day and the “Adult” translation (AT) to go along with them.

NOT SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER

1. Play-Doh is a required household item and its fun to turn Dad’s creation into spaghetti when he isn’t looking.  (AT) – Everything doesnt have to be neat and organized all the time.  Stop worrying about the “what if” and just have fun.
2. Its better to just buy a new pair of the exact same shoes when needed.  (AT) – Simplicity is key – why overthink, waste time, and add stress to trivial items.  If it works well – stick with it.  Focus your change energy on something needing changed.
3. Its fun to run up a hill racing your dad.  Its even better when you beat him. (I let him win, really I did) (AT) – Its great to win the race but more importantly just start the race.  You can never win if you don’t even start. 
4. Riding in the front seat is the greatest thing ever.  (AT) – Enjoy the little things.  It is the sum of the little things that will bring joy to your life.  Make time for them – OFTEN.
5. Goldfish don’t survive very long in a plastic bag in 80 degree weather.  (AT) – Goldfish don’t survive very long in a plastic bag in 80 degree weather.
6. It is hilarious to watch dad stress out when he locks the keys in the trunk at the grocery store.  (AT) – There is an engineer at Chrysler that should be FIRED for designing a trunk release that requires the accessory power to be on.  (AT#2) – Why stress?  Laugh at yourself, fix it, learn from it, and move on!
7. Why work when you can play?  (AT) – All work and no play makes dad a dull boy!
8. It is fun to hang out with dad and play.  (AT) – Make time to enjoy your children while they still want to hang out with you.  Sadly, it doesn’t last forever.

It was a great day.  Noah taught me a great deal and hopefully I will remember these lessons from a ten year old and continue to apply them to my daily life.  I have a long way to go.

What have your children taught you lately?  Are you making playing a part of your life or is it all just work and worry?

WRITERS BLOCK

The “Family” point of focus has really been stumping me for a while now.  Mostly because its the one area not completely in my control as well as an area I have to consider others when it comes to how transparent I am.  I know there is unlimited potential for improvement and it is one of the areas I feel is very out of balance causing more stress than necessary but at the end of the day the answer my very well just be perspective.

SUCK OR RULE?

I have been doing a lot of research on family life as I try to identify the goals to bring the family area of focus into convergence.  Here are few common themes.  The problem is depending on the perspective we either really, really SUCK or we RULE!

• Spend time together: Is it quality or quantity? We most likely SUCK at quality and RULE at quantity.  The kids are so active that nearly every free moment is attending and supporting someone in their endeavors and passions.  Its great but is it quality time?  We need to find time to just get away from it all, relax, talk, learn, connect!
• Let your imperfections show:  Wow, we may RULE so much at this one that we SUCK. :)I have to say if there is one thing you cannot accuse my family of –  its being anything other than ourselves no matter who is around.  I, at times, feel like a little “filtering” could be in order.  On the flipside many of the kids friends have told them that they think our relationships and candor is awesome and simply REAL.  Perspective?  Could be.
• Eat a meal together:  I read in one place that you should eat together at least 5 times a week.  Really?  I would like to see the family schedule for whomever wrote that.  If that is the metric to be measured against then we SUCK!  That is not a realistic goal but we do need to make a conscious effort to squeeze in a few sit down meals.  When it comes to juggling crazy schedules and getting it all accomplished we RULE!  Does fast food in the car on the way to the next activity count?
• Appreciate each other:  My initial response to this one would be we unequivocally SUCK!  It very well may be the main area in need of improvement and most likely the area that would pay the largest dividends.  Every member of the family RULES in their own accomplishments.  If we could just appreciate the efforts and accomplishments of the others and use that combined energy to further our individual progress – the results would be limitless.
• Work towards a goal together: With “together” being the operable word I have to say SUCK with plans to RULE.  A few common examples I came across in my research are actually items we are in the process of implementing.  Things such as working on a budget, creating a chores plan, volunteering together, and working on home projects.
• Laugh together: This is one that no matter how hard anyone or any family RULE’s there is room for more.  There can never be enough.  Laughter is a powerful antidote to stress, pain, and conflict.  Just increase the amount of this one and everything else should fall into place.

This one really is stumping me.  It has actually been in draft form for over two weeks now.  I am going to have concede a few things and move on:

• It’s not totally in my control but my perspective and reaction’s are  totally in my control.  I need to work on those and see what the results may be.  That in no way means I have to accept that which I know is wrong – I just need to find a better way to communicate my disapproval.
• There should be some easy wins in working on some goals together and appreciating each other.  We’ll see – I have a feeling there is going to be some “kicking and screaming” but its worth a try.
• Quality time is foundational and in need.  I need to plan a family “get away.”  I cant remember the last time we did something together as a family.  Here again – I expect that the teens will have to be dragged “kicking and screaming.”
• Its not black and white.  I am not going to be able to create progression goals for this one.  Its not totally in my control.

Time to hit “Publish” and stop thinking I am going to identify some “silver bullet” and detailed plan for this one.  I will update any progress on this one here.

I could really use some help on this one.  Does your family SUCK or RULE?  What do you do to create a healthy, happy family life?